My Host-Family's Ties to Adoption

Day 13 - Sunday 06 March 2011

Today I learned my host-family's connection with adoption. Considering the statistics, that over 100,000 children have been adopted in the last ~50 years from Korea, making up 10% of the Korean-American population, it was no surprise to me to find that the people I would meet here had some sort of ties to adoption. And of course there was also the fact that my host-family volunteers their household for Holt's post-adoption services. The real surprise was that they were willing to share and talk about their stories.

My host-mom grew up in fairly hard times (wikipedia Korean's post-war history), and her mother rented out one of the rooms in their house/apt. My host-mom was only a teenager at the time, when one particular guest rented their empty room. It was a young Korean woman in her late teens who had relations with an African-American military man. She had 2 babies, and abandoned them and went back to America, without a look back. I could care less what this guy's race was, but I note the color of his skin to point out the fact that back in the day (and perhaps today) half Koreans-half blacks had a very hard time growing up in Korean society. So the mother was too young and poor to take care of the children on her own. She soon abandoned them as well and my host-mom's mom (host-granny) took care of them for a while, until an adoption agency stepped in and found a family for them in America. Witnessing these sad events left my host-mom with a lot to digest and think about. She had mixed feelings about American soldiers, the adoption process, the young Korean birth mothers, etc. But regardless of how she felt, it left her connected and curious to learn more about adoption.

The second story, came from the mother of one of my students for my private tutoring. For fun, and in a relaxed fashion of exposing kids to English, every Friday afternoon I get to teach/hangout with host-bro and 4 of his school friends, while all the moms eat food, drink and talk. They are all family friends of one another. One of the moms told me that her parents also had a hard time while she was young. She was one of many children, and her mom actually took her to an orphanage to drop her off 5 times, but in the end couldn't go through with it. So she was never adopted, but knows the story about how she could have been. She talked about how she understood her family's situation and isn't for or against adoption. If it would have happened to her, then that would be that, and she would make the most of her life. The point that she wanted to stress to me was that adoption was definitely an option hidden in the back of every Korean parent's mind. It was hard times and everybody knew how and where they could relinquish a child. Anybody who plays ignorant to the fact that all this was going on behind the scenes, without being talked about publicly, is a liar.

I think adoption in the 60s-90s in Korea, must have been like the Jersey Shore television show in present day America. Everybody knows about it and heard the premise, but they aren't exactly happy that it's taking place, especially in their own country. The ever-present secret shame of a nation.

You won't hear too many Koreans (or anybody from any country for that matter) openly talking about adoption-related things that might bring shame or embarrassment to their family, but I'm glad these people were willing to share. Even though Korea and Koreans seem to not talk about this sensitive subject (perhaps like Germans and the Holocaust) everybody knows it happened and was a huge part of Korean life and society. I bet, in some 6-degrees-to-Kevin Bacon-way, everybody has a connection to adoption/relinquishment in this country. You can't relinquish that many babies and have no ties whatsoever.