I have recently been criticized by somebody that was very important to me in my life. This particular individual said that I argue for argument's sake, even though the net effect will be nothing; and that I generalize groups of people so often, that there are no real serious claims that I'm actually making. In short, I'm a negative person that likes to bitch about things that aren't issues, and even if they were, I'm not doing anything productive about it.
I openly accept some of this judgment. I am an angry man, and I tend to over analyze everything. Also, the race/adoption issues that I discuss on this blog may well not be issues for anybody else on the planet except for myself. And if they are issues, this blog probably isn't helping change the world. But, just because my writings aren't going to purge the world of all race/adoption-related discrimination, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing it. With that logic, why would anybody write anything?
As far as being accused of generalizing people, I have already touched on this topic in previous posts. Growing up as a minority and adoptee in the United States, I am a strong supporter of individualism, and NOT generalizing, assuming, or grouping people together based on race, ethnicity, appearance, etc. But at the same time, for the sake of getting my message across, I may take the easy path and use labels for the larger group. There is no way I am going to interact or speak with every single Korean in the world. Does that change that my life has had its share of discrimination from Koreans because I was adopted? If I ever use larger, generalizing terms, I'm really referring to the bad people within that group. I find that people have become overly sensitive to this subject, and that it's a common cop-out to not have to discuss racism.
Here's a real example from my life. In the middle of college, the Korean Student Association (KSA) of the University of Illinois: Urbana-Champaign decided that they did not want non-Koreans playing in their semester-ly soccer tournament. A handful of non-Koreans and I were playing in this league for years. Upon hearing this new rule, I knew there would be issues. As a board member of various other student organizations on campus, I knew that the university had zero tolerance policy for any form of discrimination and denial of membership or participation. In the previous year, an organization was started that promoted Women in the Engineering department. They had initially tried to keep the club for only females. Bad move. They got busted. The club could only exist to promote the success of women in engineering. So if a male wants to help women and is well capable of doing so, it's his freedom on campus to join that club and promote the welfare of female engineers. It's the same with any club. The name denotes the cause, topic, or focus. Too many people assume a club's name denotes who's eligible to join. A club fighting AIDS in Africa, is not going to be limited to only African students. Anybody can help.
So of course, the university found out about KSA's decision and suspended their activity and the tournament. Now before all the reprimands and suspensions were even going on, I was in contact with the KSA representatives wondering where Korean-adoptees fall on the non-Korean to Korean spectrum? Are we welcome, or are you kicking us out too? I was asked to bring my Korean passport (before I became a US citizen) and the board would still not give me a direct answer. They stalled as much as possible, and I'm sure their plan was to not answer until it was too late, and the tournament took place, without any of us. It was bullshit. And I'm glad they all got in trouble (although in the end, it was my gracious testimony that prevented them from being shut down forever). Upon hearing that the tournament was postponed, and possibly canceled, I was suspect number 1 immediately. There was an army of pissed off soccer-playing Koreans, and the gossip around campus was, there were all going to jump me sometime.
There's a lot more detail to that story, but my point is, I was wronged, hardcore, by a whole school organization, made up of hundreds of Korean's brightest minds, sent here to study in my native country. Were there some Koreans who wanted me to play? I'm sure of it. But when I explain this story to people, for the sake of conversation, time and not being to anally detailed, I'm going to simplify by saying, KSA screwed me over. People just need to suck it up and understand that I don't mean every single individual in KSA is a bad person. But the group as a whole made a poor decision.
Let's take a look at history, Martin Luther King Jr. for example. I don't think he was sitting around his house thinking to himself, well I guess I shouldn't go preach about freedom and equal rights, because I might accidentally offend the white people that were supportive of the black civil rights movement. I don't think Gandhi was hesitant to battle the British colonial rule, because he didn't want to offend the few British soldiers that didn't treat the Indian natives like crap. Although I am not even a spec of the greatness these two men were, like them I want to change the perceptions and the ways in which adoptees are treated by our countries of birth. My motives are not to offend all Koreans, nor judge them for things they may not have done. My goal is to expose those that have done wrong, whether on purpose or out of ignorance, with education. It almost seems like it's become politically incorrect to express how you were wronged. People will say anything to denounce my claims, silence me, judge me, criticize me, just so they don't have to hear my stories.
I had an African-American friend at college. He would sometimes vent to our group of friends about how he gets pulled over by the cops all the time. Racial-profiling at its finest. Seriously, it does happen. In my 5 years in Champaign-Urbana, I never once saw a white guy getting pulled over by campus police. Anyways, this guy was one of the nicest, rule-following, hardworking people I knew. He never did anything illegal, yet got pulled over 1-2 times every year. Sometimes when he would get pissed about it, some of our other friends would say he's generalizing all cops and that's wrong. Does anybody else see the distorted logic in these conversations? Why is that where people on the defensive always have to go to? Claiming generalization is occurring is plaguing process everywhere.
black guy - "Hey man, today some KKK members tried to mess with me."
white guy - "Dude, are you saying all white people are racist? Cause that's wrong. You can't generalize like that."
black guy - "No, I'm saying some KKK members verbally abused me, and were possibly going to attack me."
white guy - "So now your making assumptions that all KKK are violent?"
Believe it or not, I hear conversations like this ALL the time. Whether it be between whites and blacks, Koreans and Korean-adotpees, Indians and Pakistanis, it's all crap. People just want to change the subject to focus on whether generalization is right or wrong, rather than the actual racism that occurred.
So to those who think I'm negative. I am. I'm negative in response to negative things. MLK Jr. was negative against the mistreatment of African-Americans. Sometimes you have to be negative to rid the world of worse things. For what I've been through, and seen other adoptees put through, I think I've earned the right to be negative about it.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The "My Family Didn't Own Slaves" Defense
I remember a handful of times throughout college when I would be discussing adoption or racism-related topics with my Korean-American and Korean-national friends, and this phrase always came up, "My family didn't relinquish any children, so I don't have anything to do with this." I don't intend to generalize whole groups of people, so let me set the record straight. I've kept a very good mental record of things said to me, and like mankind in general, I am prone to draw conclusions based off my average interactions with people. This go-to defensive phrase was used 99% of the time by my peers, in my interactions. When I write, I'm referring to the people in my life, in my world. Does any of this apply to every single Korean in existence. No. (There will be a later article about that topic though. The "You Can't Generalize All People" Defense.)
To start, let me give you a real example. Discussion may start with something as simple, yet emotional to me, as "Hey Chris, why don't you use Korean (language) more often? You are Korean by blood." This of course puts me in explanation/rant-mode. "Well friend, it's a very sensitive issue. There's lots to take into account. I was raised in America, and quite obviously didn't have the resources or community to learn fluent Korean my whole life....yadda yadda yadda." Then the conversation becomes more heated with, "Well you know, you shouldn't be bitter against Korean people, you should learn better Korean and speak it to all of us. You know we didn't all give up babies for adoption." It's mind boggling to think that this is really some people's mindset. It is my duty as a Korean by blood to learn and speak Korean. On top of that, the only perceived reason of why I don't use Korean language is because I'm bitter against my birth parents who relinquished me. These situations are always met with me trying to dish out some "the-more-you-know" education to my less-worldly Korean friends. Yet it is all futile. I have found that nothing I have to say about the life of a transracial international adoptee has any merit to them.
I've come to call it the "My Family Didn't Own Any Slaves" defense cause it parallels that same crap that African-Americans get to hear from non-black people all the time. Dismiss a big topic, because you weren't there. Sometimes when issues about slavery, racism, affirmative action, or racial profiling are brought up, some uneducated people have to voice their opinion that they are pure of everything bad that has happened to the marginalized groups of people in this world, simply because they did not partake in it. To a certain extent, I understand where they are coming from. Oscar Schindler wasn't your average Nazi, and he deserves credit for the great things he did. But that doesn't mean to say all Germans can cop-out of the Holocaust ever happening. And believe it or not, I've heard this one too. "My parents were German. My grandfather fought in the German Army, but he didn't kill any Jews, so as far as I'm concerned the Holocaust never happened." Should this nameless acquaintance of mine be blamed for everything bad that happened to Jewish people. No, of course not. But should he at least acknowledge that history is what it is, and it kinda sucked. Yes. Should Jewish people exploit Germans and use the past for some sort of unearned gain in their life. No. But if college students are sitting on the patio tables in front of the quad, discussion European military history and the discussion is about the discrimination of Jewish people in Europe, I think some attention can be paid. Just suck it up people. Every group has done bad stuff, and every group has had bad stuff done to them (some more than others). No country, group, culture is pure. Some individuals within just like to pretend they are.
Regarding the Korean adoption situation, I've seen the hypocrisy through my peers' favorite subject, Korean National Team Soccer. All of my Korean-American and Korean-national friends go crazy for the Korean team. They follow every player, every game, every stat. On numerous occasions, my post-match, boozed up teammates have decided to go into monologues about how important Korean soccer is. They talk about how it embodies the Korean spirit, they are all part of the team, not just the 11 professional athletes on the field. I realized one day, they are so proud and nationalistic of being Korean and feeling like a part of the 2002 team that made it to the 3rd place match against Turkey, but they won't give me a second to discuss how adoptees are second class citizens. So of course, I posed the question, "Were you one of the 11 on that field? Did you actually play the game and get 4th place?" And they say no, but then go into a deep beautiful speech about how all Koreans contribute and take the pride-bounty of the accomplishments of their national team. These are the same people who claim that they don't have to hear me rant about the mistreatment of Korean adoptees simply because their parents did not relinquish any children.
Now I have to side note really quickly, that the amount of birth parents in Korea that have come forth to admit they relinquished children, and attempt to re-establish contact, is minimal. So hypothetically, there very well is a possibility that there are skeletons in the closet for my friends' families. Their grandparents or parents could have had a child relinquished that they don't know about. In my personal case, I know for fact, I have 5 nameless older half-siblings that don't know about my existence. Wouldn't it be a shock for them to find out. Grown-ass men didn't know their mother relinquished a child. I bet as we speak, they live their lives in Korea not give a second of thought to the lives of adoptees, and the cultural taboo of adoption in Korea. I bet if I met them on the street (still not knowing their mother's secret) and started talking about adoption and discrimination, they'd feel uncomfortable, probably walk away. Just thinking about statistics and probability in my head, I would think out of the hundreds of international Korean students at Univ of Illinois, at least 1 student's family has a secretly relinquished child.
Anyways, the moral of this little rant is that, I think you have to take the good and bad of what your country/group has done. I am proud to be an American. We have accomplished many great things. But just because I wasn't actually involved, I don't dismiss the Native American genocide, slavery, or the Japanese-American internment camps during WWII (along with hundreds of other terrible things). If somebody wanted to talk about how their life was negatively affected because of some terrible event in history, which was caused by white Americans, or the American government (which go hand-in-hand) I would at least give them my attention and time. They've earned it. I'm not going to be the asshole who says I don't care, since I wasn't there. It's selfish and pathetic. And this is a shout out to all Koreans, if you respect me as a friend, I don't want to hear that excuse anymore. "Chris I don't want to hear about adoption, you know I didn't give up any children. Koreans have nothing to be ashamed about. We're all great people, and our country did nothing wrong." If you're gonna feel like a part of the Korean national team, well you gotta accept that your country relinquished 150,000 babies (South Korea's biggest and most profitable export following the Korean War). Many of which were mentally/physically disabled. And many of which makeup over 10% of the Korean American population. Did you know that? 1/10 of Korean-Americans are adoptees. Mind-bomb. The more you know!
To start, let me give you a real example. Discussion may start with something as simple, yet emotional to me, as "Hey Chris, why don't you use Korean (language) more often? You are Korean by blood." This of course puts me in explanation/rant-mode. "Well friend, it's a very sensitive issue. There's lots to take into account. I was raised in America, and quite obviously didn't have the resources or community to learn fluent Korean my whole life....yadda yadda yadda." Then the conversation becomes more heated with, "Well you know, you shouldn't be bitter against Korean people, you should learn better Korean and speak it to all of us. You know we didn't all give up babies for adoption." It's mind boggling to think that this is really some people's mindset. It is my duty as a Korean by blood to learn and speak Korean. On top of that, the only perceived reason of why I don't use Korean language is because I'm bitter against my birth parents who relinquished me. These situations are always met with me trying to dish out some "the-more-you-know" education to my less-worldly Korean friends. Yet it is all futile. I have found that nothing I have to say about the life of a transracial international adoptee has any merit to them.
I've come to call it the "My Family Didn't Own Any Slaves" defense cause it parallels that same crap that African-Americans get to hear from non-black people all the time. Dismiss a big topic, because you weren't there. Sometimes when issues about slavery, racism, affirmative action, or racial profiling are brought up, some uneducated people have to voice their opinion that they are pure of everything bad that has happened to the marginalized groups of people in this world, simply because they did not partake in it. To a certain extent, I understand where they are coming from. Oscar Schindler wasn't your average Nazi, and he deserves credit for the great things he did. But that doesn't mean to say all Germans can cop-out of the Holocaust ever happening. And believe it or not, I've heard this one too. "My parents were German. My grandfather fought in the German Army, but he didn't kill any Jews, so as far as I'm concerned the Holocaust never happened." Should this nameless acquaintance of mine be blamed for everything bad that happened to Jewish people. No, of course not. But should he at least acknowledge that history is what it is, and it kinda sucked. Yes. Should Jewish people exploit Germans and use the past for some sort of unearned gain in their life. No. But if college students are sitting on the patio tables in front of the quad, discussion European military history and the discussion is about the discrimination of Jewish people in Europe, I think some attention can be paid. Just suck it up people. Every group has done bad stuff, and every group has had bad stuff done to them (some more than others). No country, group, culture is pure. Some individuals within just like to pretend they are.
Regarding the Korean adoption situation, I've seen the hypocrisy through my peers' favorite subject, Korean National Team Soccer. All of my Korean-American and Korean-national friends go crazy for the Korean team. They follow every player, every game, every stat. On numerous occasions, my post-match, boozed up teammates have decided to go into monologues about how important Korean soccer is. They talk about how it embodies the Korean spirit, they are all part of the team, not just the 11 professional athletes on the field. I realized one day, they are so proud and nationalistic of being Korean and feeling like a part of the 2002 team that made it to the 3rd place match against Turkey, but they won't give me a second to discuss how adoptees are second class citizens. So of course, I posed the question, "Were you one of the 11 on that field? Did you actually play the game and get 4th place?" And they say no, but then go into a deep beautiful speech about how all Koreans contribute and take the pride-bounty of the accomplishments of their national team. These are the same people who claim that they don't have to hear me rant about the mistreatment of Korean adoptees simply because their parents did not relinquish any children.
Now I have to side note really quickly, that the amount of birth parents in Korea that have come forth to admit they relinquished children, and attempt to re-establish contact, is minimal. So hypothetically, there very well is a possibility that there are skeletons in the closet for my friends' families. Their grandparents or parents could have had a child relinquished that they don't know about. In my personal case, I know for fact, I have 5 nameless older half-siblings that don't know about my existence. Wouldn't it be a shock for them to find out. Grown-ass men didn't know their mother relinquished a child. I bet as we speak, they live their lives in Korea not give a second of thought to the lives of adoptees, and the cultural taboo of adoption in Korea. I bet if I met them on the street (still not knowing their mother's secret) and started talking about adoption and discrimination, they'd feel uncomfortable, probably walk away. Just thinking about statistics and probability in my head, I would think out of the hundreds of international Korean students at Univ of Illinois, at least 1 student's family has a secretly relinquished child.
Anyways, the moral of this little rant is that, I think you have to take the good and bad of what your country/group has done. I am proud to be an American. We have accomplished many great things. But just because I wasn't actually involved, I don't dismiss the Native American genocide, slavery, or the Japanese-American internment camps during WWII (along with hundreds of other terrible things). If somebody wanted to talk about how their life was negatively affected because of some terrible event in history, which was caused by white Americans, or the American government (which go hand-in-hand) I would at least give them my attention and time. They've earned it. I'm not going to be the asshole who says I don't care, since I wasn't there. It's selfish and pathetic. And this is a shout out to all Koreans, if you respect me as a friend, I don't want to hear that excuse anymore. "Chris I don't want to hear about adoption, you know I didn't give up any children. Koreans have nothing to be ashamed about. We're all great people, and our country did nothing wrong." If you're gonna feel like a part of the Korean national team, well you gotta accept that your country relinquished 150,000 babies (South Korea's biggest and most profitable export following the Korean War). Many of which were mentally/physically disabled. And many of which makeup over 10% of the Korean American population. Did you know that? 1/10 of Korean-Americans are adoptees. Mind-bomb. The more you know!
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