Mike L

I love Michael "Lohnzie" L. He's the coolest. He's easily in my top 5 male-friends. Ladies, please date him.

Flashsideways

Day 57 - 19 April 2011 - Tuesday

This was supposed to be the first post, which I intended to write 57 days ago, but I got lazy and there was so much other crazier stuff to write about. I would never say I'm a good writer, but I do take pride in saying I always could come up with good ideas. In fact I wish that could be my job, just coming up with the premises of movies. I'll be the think tank, then real writers can fill in the other 99% of the story.

By the time I reached early high school, I had already scribbled down a crap ton of ideas and short vignettes all revolving around soccer, adoption, and racism. And of course, I was typically the main character. Sadly, and to my regret that I didn't get rich, 2 of my best ideas have been taken. They were stolen, but I guess Hollywood was bound to think of the same ideas eventually. Regardless, I still feel like sharing them.

In middle school I wrote a story about a man on a plane (me). He was headed back to Korea for the first time since being adopted. He decided to do a crossword puzzle, and each question he answered and filled in, coincidentally correlated with a important and meaningful adoption/race related moment of his childhood. As he wrote each letter into the boxes, which would be closely zoomed-in on, flashbacks of his past would slowly being to overlap the screen. I thought that would look so cool. This idea ended up becoming Slumdog Millionaire. I'm sure I wasn't the first person to think of this idea either, but somewhere lost deep in my basement is a journal with this short story, written years before Slumdog, in my crappy handwriting.

The second story, was embodied in the final season of LOST. For those who are not familiar with this awesome television show, the directors utilized flashbacks, flashforwards, and flashsideways. Now in most of my stories, and just talking about adoption or anybody's life for that matter, you're going to find flashbacks and maybe flashforwards. The unique thing about this story was the flashsideways. In LOST, (SPOILER ALERT) flashsideways were used to show the period between the afterlife and life. All the characters were intertwined and had to re-meet one another to passover to the other side together. My story was going to be a little bit tweaked. I think there is a hypothetical, spiritual life for all adoptees. It doesn't exist, but maybe in thought it does...and that means it does exist. All adoptees have that "what if" life in their heads. What if I was not adopted? What if I was still in Korea? The main character (me of course) would be living his life in America, but when he looked into mirrors, we (the viewers) were transferred to flashsideways of the life that could have been in Korea. There would be moments when he would look up into the mirror and it would show a "Koreanized" version of him, and Korea behind him. The camera would do a 180 rotation from seeing through American-Chris's eyes to Korean-Chris's eyes. The two lives would mirror in some ways, and differ in others. You'd swtiched back and forth from the 2 lives and see what was and what could have been. And to make things a little sci-fi, unrealistic, spiritual, sometimes they would share deja-vu of each other's experiences and memories.

So Slumdog and LOST beat me to the punch, but I always intended to use these cool little cinematic setups in my writing, especially with this blog. So expect more flashbacks, flashforwards, and flashsideways all regarding my past experiences, my expectations and hopes for the future, and my thoughts on the life that could have been in Korea.

Birth Search Part III

Thursday - 14 April 2011 - Day 52

For the time being, I believe this will be the final chapter of my birth search story. I had my most recent meeting at the Holt post-adoption center 1 day ago. This story did start out with surprise and success, with the ease of the process and the fairly quick locating of my birth-family, but now it seems we have reached a standstill.

As told in my second update, my birth-mother and oldest half-sister were located living together in the relatively same region in the outskirts of Masan where I was born. 2 telegrams were sent, signed for, and received. My birth-family and I have discovered and acknowledged the existence of each other, but there is no desire on their side to take this any further and meet in person for the time being.

Although this may seem like a sad way for this part of my Korea journey to end, I couldn't be happier. My positivity and possibly lack-of-care has carried me through. I feel complete and am happy that I know they are alive and well, albeit super-poor. They know I am alive and well and contact information was given to them, so the door is always open for a later reunion (which I don't yet know if I would even agree to). Who knows what the future holds, but I do believe everything that needs to be, will be.

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As important and meaningful as this event should seem, there have been more important thoughts circling my head. These days I am consumed with thoughts and attempts to understand relinquishment rather than adoption and reunions.

I recently went to help out at Holt's Reception Center. It is a single floor of the same building that I work out of, and at the time, it was taking care of 11 orphans, all under 1 year old. It was a vey moving morning, possibly more moving that meeting my own birth parents. Certain things just fill my brain with experience and insight that I will never forget.

As I sat on the group, holding a 5 month old girl in my lap, rocking her to stay calm, not cry and fall asleep, I stared into her eyes are asked myself how anybody could abandon a baby. This wasn't even my child, and I didn't want to set her down for a second. It blew my mind. I had what I have come to refer as a moment of "Columbine shooting" realization.

After the Columbine shooting took place, I was in the movie theater watching Bowling for Columbine and jolly ole Michael Moore was showing real life clips of the young boys before the shooting. They were sitting at the lunch table talking about how much school sucked and how everybody hated them. Now I'm not here condoning shooting up schools, but at that moment I did feel sympathy for them. I thought to myself, "how much undeserved ridicule, teasing, and persecution would it take for me to reach the point of shooting up a school?" Really, please process that for a second. You think you're a good person now who would never even hurt another human being, now think about how much making-fun-of it would take to get you to lash out on your peers? How many people would have to call you ugly, or a loser, or a racial slur? Every single day of your academic life. It would take a lot, and those boys got it. They were laughed at everyday of their lives.

Anyways…back to the adoption center. I thought about that little girl, Yuna. How bad did life have to be for our birth-parents to relinquish us? Pretty bad. By realizing how precious a baby is, and how much I did not want to set her down for a moment, I came to understand how bad our birth families' lives and situations must have been. I have been told from my file that my birth-family suffered from extreme poverty. Most of the family members couldn't afford and didn't have time for anything past a elementary school education. So they were off to the factory floor and crop fields right away. But feeling in my heart how much I loved Yuna, and all the other babies, at that moment, I think I inversely experienced the extreme poverty my birth-family faced. The love for me was out balanced by the terrible living situations, and I now know it would take A LOT to relinquish a child. I hope people can understand this.

I am at peace with everything.

Relinquishment and adoption.

Thank you Korea.

Thank you Yuna.

Sneezes & Smelly Socks

Day 44 - Wednesday - 06 April 2011

I woke up this morning at 7:30am to the sound of my host brother puking his recently eaten ramen onto the living room floor. I've been sleeping in lately and skipping yoga because of a stiff bruised ankle. I thought now would be a good time to post about Korean etiquette and hygiene.

I'm not here to insult Korean people, their way is their way, and simply different than what I grew up with. They're not dirty people, and in many ways, cleaner than the average American. Keep in mind too, I live in a household with a young 12 year old boy, and I work at afterschool programs for lower-income, not well-off elementary school kids.

The first obvious thing I noticed, right away on my journeys through the streets and time on the subway, is that people don't say "excuse me" or "bless you" after sneezing, coughing, or farting; nor do they try to cover it up. Out of habit and tradition to my futbol times in America, I am accustomed to saying "salud" after hearing somebody sneeze. The Koreans look at me funny. Most of the time people just sneeze, cough or fart and pretend like it didn't happen. There's no reaction from the person who did it, the people around, and overall, it's just not as comical as it would be in America. For some reason, we love to laugh at regular bodily functions. One of the loudest and biggest laughfests I had in highschool was when the school librarian farted, and tried to cover it up with a cough. 3 tables of fellow students were trying to hold in our laughs.

Second, as I mentioned before, people don't try to cover up their coughs, sneezes, or farts. I have been coughed on, sneezed on, and sadly, farted on, by both people close to me and complete strangers out in public. Also, quite a few people have spit on me while they're talking. I try to back away from people who are having coughing or sneezing fits, and I don't get to upset. In the end there's a billion germs and bacteria in the air we breathe. But the thing that does annoy me, is that I've been yelled at for covering up my own sneezes and coughs. I tend to cough into my jacket, either right into the collar/where-the-hood-connects area or into the elbow-pit area. My host-mom yells at me all the time that I'm getting my sweatshirt or jacket dirty. She's right, but I think it's more about being courteous to others around me. Sacrificing my own sweatshirt as to not cough on everybody else seems like the right thing to me.

It's ironic to me, that there doesn't seem to be too much emphasis but on manners concerning spreading one's sneezes, coughs, and farts, yet I do see a crap-ton of people wearing the medical facemasks. I wonder if it is for germs, or just the non-human pollution and the yellowdust in the air.

Third, I tend to pay attention in public bathrooms if people wash their hands or not, especially in restaurants where I'm accustomed to the American signs that read, "Employees MUST wash their hands before returning to work." You don't see those signs here, and as far as Korean dudes go, the amount I see walk right past the sink, compared to the ones that do wash their hands, is significantly higher. Most of the time, I'm the only person in a public restroom washing my hands, and it is a burden, because very few places I've been have paper towels. So you have to use toilet paper, which rips up, or your own shirt. Meanwhile, while I'm washing my hands, there's typically 3-4 other dudes who just used the restroom, fixing their hair to make sure each piece is in place, then they walk right out.

Lastly, at most of the places I work at, you have to take your shoes off at the door. Sometimes there are complimentary slippers to use, and other times, you just walk around in your socks. There are smelly socks everywhere, including my own (which is worsened by my smelly ankle brace). It was hard to get used to, and I'm still struggling a little. Every time I teach, there is a wave of rancid foot smell rippling across the room, originating from the feet of these little kids. I don't think this is something unique to Korea; young kids have smelly feet in every country, especially after a day's worth of running around and playing. The only difference is that Koreans take off their shoes, exposing all the stench. It made me realize how life saving shoes are. They hold in the bad smells.

But in the end, even with these minor differences, I have nothing to complain about. Different place, different customs, and I'm happy to have the privilege of experiencing them.