I remember a handful of times throughout college when I would be discussing adoption or racism-related topics with my Korean-American and Korean-national friends, and this phrase always came up, "My family didn't relinquish any children, so I don't have anything to do with this." I don't intend to generalize whole groups of people, so let me set the record straight. I've kept a very good mental record of things said to me, and like mankind in general, I am prone to draw conclusions based off my average interactions with people. This go-to defensive phrase was used 99% of the time by my peers, in my interactions. When I write, I'm referring to the people in my life, in my world. Does any of this apply to every single Korean in existence. No. (There will be a later article about that topic though. The "You Can't Generalize All People" Defense.)
To start, let me give you a real example. Discussion may start with something as simple, yet emotional to me, as "Hey Chris, why don't you use Korean (language) more often? You are Korean by blood." This of course puts me in explanation/rant-mode. "Well friend, it's a very sensitive issue. There's lots to take into account. I was raised in America, and quite obviously didn't have the resources or community to learn fluent Korean my whole life....yadda yadda yadda." Then the conversation becomes more heated with, "Well you know, you shouldn't be bitter against Korean people, you should learn better Korean and speak it to all of us. You know we didn't all give up babies for adoption." It's mind boggling to think that this is really some people's mindset. It is my duty as a Korean by blood to learn and speak Korean. On top of that, the only perceived reason of why I don't use Korean language is because I'm bitter against my birth parents who relinquished me. These situations are always met with me trying to dish out some "the-more-you-know" education to my less-worldly Korean friends. Yet it is all futile. I have found that nothing I have to say about the life of a transracial international adoptee has any merit to them.
I've come to call it the "My Family Didn't Own Any Slaves" defense cause it parallels that same crap that African-Americans get to hear from non-black people all the time. Dismiss a big topic, because you weren't there. Sometimes when issues about slavery, racism, affirmative action, or racial profiling are brought up, some uneducated people have to voice their opinion that they are pure of everything bad that has happened to the marginalized groups of people in this world, simply because they did not partake in it. To a certain extent, I understand where they are coming from. Oscar Schindler wasn't your average Nazi, and he deserves credit for the great things he did. But that doesn't mean to say all Germans can cop-out of the Holocaust ever happening. And believe it or not, I've heard this one too. "My parents were German. My grandfather fought in the German Army, but he didn't kill any Jews, so as far as I'm concerned the Holocaust never happened." Should this nameless acquaintance of mine be blamed for everything bad that happened to Jewish people. No, of course not. But should he at least acknowledge that history is what it is, and it kinda sucked. Yes. Should Jewish people exploit Germans and use the past for some sort of unearned gain in their life. No. But if college students are sitting on the patio tables in front of the quad, discussion European military history and the discussion is about the discrimination of Jewish people in Europe, I think some attention can be paid. Just suck it up people. Every group has done bad stuff, and every group has had bad stuff done to them (some more than others). No country, group, culture is pure. Some individuals within just like to pretend they are.
Regarding the Korean adoption situation, I've seen the hypocrisy through my peers' favorite subject, Korean National Team Soccer. All of my Korean-American and Korean-national friends go crazy for the Korean team. They follow every player, every game, every stat. On numerous occasions, my post-match, boozed up teammates have decided to go into monologues about how important Korean soccer is. They talk about how it embodies the Korean spirit, they are all part of the team, not just the 11 professional athletes on the field. I realized one day, they are so proud and nationalistic of being Korean and feeling like a part of the 2002 team that made it to the 3rd place match against Turkey, but they won't give me a second to discuss how adoptees are second class citizens. So of course, I posed the question, "Were you one of the 11 on that field? Did you actually play the game and get 4th place?" And they say no, but then go into a deep beautiful speech about how all Koreans contribute and take the pride-bounty of the accomplishments of their national team. These are the same people who claim that they don't have to hear me rant about the mistreatment of Korean adoptees simply because their parents did not relinquish any children.
Now I have to side note really quickly, that the amount of birth parents in Korea that have come forth to admit they relinquished children, and attempt to re-establish contact, is minimal. So hypothetically, there very well is a possibility that there are skeletons in the closet for my friends' families. Their grandparents or parents could have had a child relinquished that they don't know about. In my personal case, I know for fact, I have 5 nameless older half-siblings that don't know about my existence. Wouldn't it be a shock for them to find out. Grown-ass men didn't know their mother relinquished a child. I bet as we speak, they live their lives in Korea not give a second of thought to the lives of adoptees, and the cultural taboo of adoption in Korea. I bet if I met them on the street (still not knowing their mother's secret) and started talking about adoption and discrimination, they'd feel uncomfortable, probably walk away. Just thinking about statistics and probability in my head, I would think out of the hundreds of international Korean students at Univ of Illinois, at least 1 student's family has a secretly relinquished child.
Anyways, the moral of this little rant is that, I think you have to take the good and bad of what your country/group has done. I am proud to be an American. We have accomplished many great things. But just because I wasn't actually involved, I don't dismiss the Native American genocide, slavery, or the Japanese-American internment camps during WWII (along with hundreds of other terrible things). If somebody wanted to talk about how their life was negatively affected because of some terrible event in history, which was caused by white Americans, or the American government (which go hand-in-hand) I would at least give them my attention and time. They've earned it. I'm not going to be the asshole who says I don't care, since I wasn't there. It's selfish and pathetic. And this is a shout out to all Koreans, if you respect me as a friend, I don't want to hear that excuse anymore. "Chris I don't want to hear about adoption, you know I didn't give up any children. Koreans have nothing to be ashamed about. We're all great people, and our country did nothing wrong." If you're gonna feel like a part of the Korean national team, well you gotta accept that your country relinquished 150,000 babies (South Korea's biggest and most profitable export following the Korean War). Many of which were mentally/physically disabled. And many of which makeup over 10% of the Korean American population. Did you know that? 1/10 of Korean-Americans are adoptees. Mind-bomb. The more you know!
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