Gender-bending

Day 34 - Sunday 27 March 2011

So apparently, Korea thinks I'm gay… Actually to be a little more specific, not necessarily gay (although those words have been used) but rather feminine. There have been enough random conversations where my feminineness has been brought up, that I think it is an appropriate time for gender-bending and homosexuality to get it's own post.

I really hate it that I always have to start every article with the same old damn disclaimers, but it really does seem necessary. People are always too ready to pounce on my thoughts. I don't think I'm God, and people should know everything I type are my own opinions and perspectives based on the interactions I have had in Korea. I realize, under some crazy low-probability coincidence, maybe the Koreans I hang out with are the only Koreans in the entire planet that think I'm gay. I'm not here to say what's right and what's wrong (although for the record, I am completely cool with anybody's varying sexual orientation), but rather just to spew out my mind and all the strange observations I've made during my journey.

It's interesting to hear the reasoning my Korean acquaintances (who are all married, full-grown adults) give concerning why they question my sexuality. And what's even more interesting is that a lot of what they say has some insight into Korean society and culture.

To start with, there's the obvious (yet ironic) issue of my physical appearance. I tend to have long hair, Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai and Ahn Junghwan being my main inspirations. I also have slightly gauged metal loop earrings, and I keep my face always shaved and smooth like a baby's bottom. I have come to terms with my appearance, and both Americans and Koreans have mistaken me for a girl before, from behind or the side. If I really cared, I could go back to a standard Carson Daly crew cut, remove my earrings, and grow a burley beard, but I choose not to. In addition to my face/head, my clothing style has been pointed out to be a source of my femininity. I dress fairly plainly. Nice, solid pair of jeans, nothing too fancy or expensive, a t-shirt with some cheesy picture or joke, and a soccer team hoodie or track jacket. According to a lot of the adult Koreans I talk to, this makes me look feminine and like a middle schooler. They say I should dress more stylish. Now I'm not here to judge Korean fashion but it's funny and ironic to me that dressing more like these guys (see pictures above) would make me look more heterosexual.

To each his own. So if this is Korea's ideal heterosexual, no questions needed, male, then so be it. I guess if dressing like a hybrid of a dude from a Wrangler's/Marlboro commercial and professional soccer player makes me feminine, then I'm staying feminine for the standards here. I'm sorry Korea, but I can't do skinny jeans, multi-layered tops, shoes without thick soles, and male-specific makeup. Nor can I cross my legs while sitting down. I should also note, that even seeing a bunch a dudes walking around wearing clothing like I just described, or looking like the dudes from Big Bang (pictured above), I have never made fun of the sexuality of any Koreans here, but they've let me know how they feel about me.

So the second reason is a more important topic to me. They say I must be a girl at heart because I communicate well with people, especially women. They say they've never met a person who listens to them as much as I do, and openly shares my thoughts in return. It's all true, that is how I am, but so where all the dudes I went to college with. We always had deep heart-to-heart, what is life, cigarette smoking breaks in between our studies. This really made me think about the family unit here in Korea. I haven't met every single married couple in Korea, but from what I've witnessed, the family unit is dead here (as compared to my American experiences). The dad's are never home. They work 8am to past midnight, 6 days a week. When they are home, they rarely are involved with any of the family activities, and never have any discussions besides family logistics, like bills and who needs the car. I also here the stories of the families that send the mother and children abroad to study, while the husband remains in Korea to work.

My working situation through the program I came to Korea through, gives me a lot of free time, and with that time I obviously have the upper hand on these working dads. They are doing the noble thing, working, earning money and providing for their family. I have nothing bad to say about them, but it has put me in a strange situation that my availability to be around, talk, go grocery shopping with all these mom's is something they've never experienced. Because I'm not a reserved, workaholic male, they say I must be gay. I can't say it enough, this phenomenon is nuts to me. I have been told numerous times by Koreans here, that I would make one awesome husband, and all I did was talk to them. And once again, because the ability to have conversations with an adult male was something they hadn't experienced in a long time, I must have a girl's personality deep at heart. There's no way an attentive, caring adult male exists anymore (their words, not mine).

I'm definitely more appreciative of the 9am-5pm work/school schedule in America. Compared to Korea, my family has nothing to complain about. I wish I could build on this more, but it's late and I want to sleep. There was a whole other part I was going to write about regarding my athletic ability, exerting myself on the football and soccer field, and yet that didn't gain me any heterosexual points among my Korean peers. Oh the cultural differences…so much left to learn!